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| Well everyone. Soprry for the long and delayed time in writing. Things have been really crazy for me lately. I met the most amazing person in the world. And my time has been ever so filled up with him. I finally stopped going back with Justin. He treated me like shit, and i finally got myself away from that. And will never go back to that. I now know i deserve better. I dont deserve to be treated like that. I am nice to everyone no matter what. I deserve the same. Wow. for A while life had been getting really bad, and then the all wonderful came into my life, and everything just kindof perked up. Geeze, i have not been happy in a long while. and now i am. It feels really good. I am finally walking again, not stuck at home, back to work and looking to get a new job at hopefully pet supplies plus. I shall be 16 on the 29th. Yay. and then i should have a liscence. i already have my car. A 99' white cavalier ls. very fucking nice, and for a good price too!. wow, i feel so good on the inside. but i havent been sleeping lately, or eating much for that matter but its all good, i've been trying to take like something at night to make me go to sleep and it sometimes works but sometimes it doesnt and when the stuff doesnt work i lay in bed hours upon hours and its rediculuous. Buyt i am not going to try and pass out and fall asleep then get up in the morning and take a shower then off to good ole' school. Then try and make plans for tomorrow night, work sat. morning and then get to se him saturday after i get off work!~...yay | | |
| Well, things are doing better i guess....It is still hard without him, knowing he does not want me, and never will again...It's all my fault!....I think if i were better and didnt gain all that weight, he'd still love me!....But i mean i couldnt help gaining the weight, i wasnt able to move and havent been able to because of my leg...But grrr!....why cant i just be skinny and good looking, so he'd want me?...But i am starting to accept the fact that he doesnt...I mean no one wants me, i was foolish to think someone would actually want me....I am soo dumb for believing that....I lonely life is coming to look very likely to me...Because how in the hell am i going to be able to trust that someone will want to stay with me and not leave for another better girl?...i mean every guy has done that to me!....so how do i know it will ever change?... | | |
| Well what can i say...My heart has been taken away...I just wish he loved me like i love him...He says he loves me, but he wants to see what else there is out there...How can i hurt sooo bad....I love him, i will always love him, he said the same but he wants other people?!?.....God, i want him back sooo bad, but i cant have him, he doesnt want me...Why can't i get over it...Yes its only been a few days since it happened....But still why cant i just get on without him......I mean i should be able to but it is so hard...It was almost 2 years, and now nothing...I hate this, yeah we're friends but i dont want to be just frirends....People say i can have better than that, but what if i dont reallt want that much better....what if i was fine with what i had, but now i dont have....Grr....why are guys so difficult?.....why do they always have to leave me for other people?...... | | |
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